I’ve become everything I’ve ever hated

I’ve never had an opinion one way or the other on Starbucks. I know some people love it and other hate it with the intensity of a thousand suns. Personally, I was never much of a coffee drinker until law school so I didn’t care. Last semester, I received a few gift cards to Starbucks from various places. I’m never one to turn down anything free, so I used them. The more time I spent a Starbucks, the more I realized I hated the place.

Listening to someone order their mocha grande latte venti whatever made my stomach turn. Occasionally I would even get the pompous employee.

Ex.Coll: “I’ll take a large coffee.”
Pompous Employee: “Do you mean a venti?”
Ex.Coll: “Huh? I just want a large coffee.”
Pompous Employee: “Oh, so you want a venti coffee.”

Hey douche, just get the biggest cup you have, and put coffee in it. Period. If it takes more than two steps you’re doing it wrong.

After about six or seven visits (I got several gift cards), when I was third in line behind a man and a woman each ordering their mocha grande late frappe whateverthefucks, I realized I was actually in line behind people ordering mocha grande latte frappe whateverthefucks. I realized I’d become everything I ever hated.

I told this to a friend, hoping to find solace. Her reply “What did you expect, you’re in law school.”

A few days later, she gave me a present to make me feel better: a $10 Starbucks gift card.

So this morning I had this conversation (again):

“I’ll take a large coffee.”
“Do you mean a venti?”
“Huh? I just want a large coffee.”
“Oh, so you want a venti coffee.”

I hate you Starbucks, and I hate myself even more to helping you stay in business.