A new benchmark

What is a standard by which you can judge a good (read: successful) lawyer? I’m not talking about being rated A++ by Martindale or anything like that, but something that anyone can see and think “that must be a good lawyer.” Is it the name on the masthead? The name on the high-rise building? The corner office? The second office in Aspen? The Rolls parked at the entrance of the valet parking lot?

I think I found it. I’ll know I’ve really succeeded when I can get one of these done of me during a trial. I would defiantly have it framed and hang it in my office. Yes, I’ve seen it done. Yes, it’s awesome.

It's like a car wreck...

you don't want to see it, but you just have to.

You know you will have to read a news story that starts with this: Some women in Springfield [MO] are regretting their decision last week to get a tattoo from a door-to-door tattoo salesman.

Television Sucks

It’s the only way I can explain how bingo is a prime time show.

Note to ABC: Howie Mandel is pretty annoying, did you think he'd be less annoying with an accent?

the M word

I didn’t want to post this explicitly here for fear that I might jinx myself, but I think it's pretty safe to say it now. I found a job and I've already started working. Thank you CSO – NOT.

While this job is a real-life-honest-to-goodness clerkship it carries with it a virtual guarantee I won’t get an offer for permanent employment next year. Oh well… what’s a 3L Spring without some unemployment-related stress? Here’s the real shocker, this is at a firm. Yes, Ex.Coll., Mr. LawFirmsAreTheBaneOfTheLegalWorld, is working for a law firm. (And a pretty good one at that.)

So I started work and I got put on a couple of things right away. It doesn't seem like busy work, but real work. Then at about 5:15 p.m. on my first day I heard it.

I knew it was too good to be true.

I heard the M word.

Memo.

You have to understand how much I hate memos. I hate them with every fiber of my being. Literal hatred. If Memos were personified into a single individual, I’d kill him. There is a gnawing, burning, pulsing sensation in the pit of my bowels that represents my feeling towards memos.

I have one due on Monday.

No, I haven't started. Why do you ask?

I don’t like Michael Moore.

I think he’s a moron who uses publicity stunts to advance his half baked ideas. That said, I do like the fact he called out Sen. Fred Thompson on the hypocritical Trading With the Enemy Act (aka the Cuban Trade Embargo). Apparently the good Senator has a stash of Cuban cigars in his office.

Not to be outdone, the former D.A. of New York did a video reply to MM. I wonder if it was McCoy behind the camera.

Yet another disturbing sight

I’m getting tired of seeing disgusting stuff. Really, I am.

The other day I was in a library (not the Tarlton, thankfully) and I heard the call of nature. I went to the men’s room, where I proceeded to the urinal nearest the wall per the unwritten rules of the men’s room. As I was, ahem, “taking care of business,” in walks another man. An enormous man. A Ginormous man. Seriously, this guy was EASILY over 350 lbs. He takes the stall two down from me, also following the aforementioned rules. No problem… yet.

I finish what I need and walk to the sink to wash my hands. I look into the mirror to both wonder why I ever gave up my career as a male model to pursue law school and to regret not covering up my hair with a cap in when I stepped out to face the day. As I look into the mirror, to my dismay, I see that Mr. 350+ was at a urinal clearly and conspicuously visible from my mirror.

What’s the big deal, you ask. Well, Mr. 350+, for whatever reason, was peeing like a 3-year-old boy. For those of you unfamiliar with the peeing habits of a 3-year-old boy, it is done with one’s pants down to his knees. So as I look in the mirror, expecting to see myself and my untamed head of hair, I see a Mr. 350+’s ass. Not a pleasant sight. Not at all.

Please excuse any more typos than usual in this post as I am shuddering as I type.

From one mother to another

Happy Mother’s Day to everyone out there form the baddest mother in the blogosphere.

Hmmmm....
It appears I have somehow screwed up my blog. Sorry.

UPDATE: I think I "fixed" it. Let me know what you think.

Rejection

Ah, the reject letter… oh, how I missed thee.

Today’s gem:
“I must compliment your qualifications. I know that you will be a valuable asset to any serious minded law firm.”

Since you are rejecting me, does that mean you are not a serious minded law firm?

I think I need to find a non-serious minded firm. It just sounds like it would be more fun.

Remember what I said about marketing in the legal world?

I recently commented on the overall crappy job lawyers in marketing themselves. Well that does not apply to the lawyer who came up with this billboard.


Yes, this is real.

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Don't worry, I didn't forget to get you today's distraction.

A Milestone

My blog has reached a milestone. I received the 10,000th visitor to my little spot on the web yesterday. While I know 10,000 hits is nothing compared blogs that are good, interesting, or proofread, I still though I should somehow commemorate this momentous occasion,

So to the visitor from Austin who stopped by at 11:24 p.m. yesterday, please click here to receive your gift. It just a small token of my appreciation and a testament to my Wordart ability that I hope you will enjoy. Feel free to print it out and carry a copy with you in your wallet. It’s also suitable for framing and hanging in your office. I would also recommend updating your resume to include this as one of your academic accomplishments. Email me if you need a letter of recommendation.

Dictator or Sitcom Character?

Tired of Torts? Loosing consciousness due to Contracts? Throwing a fit because of F.I.T.?

Whatever the case may be, enjoy trying to stump this.
It’s been a couple years since I spent half a day trying to stump it, but I did. Three times if I remember right.

You look like you need

Another distraction.

Sorry, no distraction today.

Instead, I offer gratuitous nudity.

[for those who insist on context]

An after-finals stroll

Today I took what has become a tradition for me. After my final today, I took a walk around campus. Today, I ended up by the Student Union where I saw a group of students celebrating “No Pants Day.” (Note: I had no idea that when I Googled “no pants day” I would see a photo of the UT celebration.)

The problem with having a “No Pants Day” is that the vast majority of people who would celebrate by not wearing pants are the people that really should be wearing pants.

It's time for...

Distraction #2
[click here]

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Interesting

If you Google "I was wondering if I could still register for the class and do my video now rather then the summer," this blog is the number one hit. I guess I need to answer. So, if you are wondering if you could still register for the class and do your video now rather then the summer, the answer is ABSOLUTELY. If anyone tells you otherwise, tell them Ex.Coll said you could.

You might want to print this posting out so you have proof.

For a Distraction

Click here.

I need help researching.

Please help as this is very important this time of year. I need more music.

As anyone who’s seen the music on my iPod can attest, I like all kinds of music. My taste in music has been called “varied,” “eclectic,” “diverse,” and “just plain weird.” However, despite this, I’ve always avoided two specific genres of music. I’ve never had a reason for avoiding them, I just did. That is, until now. Now, I’m hooked on both Jazz and Blues. I’ve bought several albums from old standards like John Coltrane, Miles Davis, John Lee Hooker, and B.B. King, but now I want more. Can anyone suggest good artists that I might enjoy? From what I’ve heard so far, I tend to like the older stuff more than the contemporary stuff.

Email or post a snide remark if you have any suggestions for me.

It's catching up with me.

I hate reading old English legal stuff.

But every once in a while I find something that was worth reading. Example:
Follett (one of the two lawyers in a “very important” case before the House of Lords) could not help expressing to his opponent his astonishment at seeing him indulging in so solid and carnal a diet by way of a preparative for the task he was about to enter upon (argue the case), and for which a clear unclouded brain was so essential.
“As to the clearness of brain,” said Maule (the opposing counsel and glutton), “I find that mine is clear already. The truth is, I am striving to bring my intellect down to the level with the capacity of those idiotic judges.”

-Mr. Serjeant [B. Coulson] Robinson, Bench and Bar, 158-159 (4th ed. 1894).

Finals

Now that all crises have been resolved to everyone’s liking, it’s time to settle in for finals.

Oddly enough, I’m not stressed out at all over this semester’s finals. The reason is that when I registered for classes for this semester I registered for as many P/F classes as I could get into. The result: a nearly stress free finals season. Yet despite this, I still haven’t finished my seminar paper nor am I even close.

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And if you’re here to find out the resolution of the office space debacle, my last comment on my last post had been affirmed. As far as I know, the TI(P)LJ debate continues.